Just how to Apply For an Academic Job as well as Summon the Ancient Mesopotamian Demon Pazuzu
by Ross Bullen
Keep an eye out for job postings in the usual places: the Chronicle of Higher Education, faculty listservs, and esoteric manuscripts hidden within the Vatican library. Pay particular attention to jobs located close to the Tigris and Euphrates rivers into the Fertile Crescent region. Job ads printed in Sumerian cuneiform is going into the “definitely apply” pile. Same is true of any job that offers to pay for you in livestock, grain, or small golden trinkets. If you’re not certain that a job is right for you, try staring into a broken mirror and saying the name regarding the school 666 times. If the mirror begins to bleed, you’re definitely regarding the right track.
List all the worldly goods (grain reserves, coin hoards, first-born children) you would be willing to sacrifice to get this job. Two pages, single-spaced, maximum. Address the letter “To whom it might concern,” throw it to the Dead Sea, and acquire ready to have fun with the waiting game.
Wake up every and check the Academic Jobs Wiki morning. Then check to see in case your bathtub is filled with blood. Read more